


Salamanders Know

by hibiscusandmistletoe



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Azumane Asahi-centric, Canon Compliant, Demiromantic Asahi, Demisexual Asahi, M/M, Moving Tattoo(s), Pre-Canon, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, contains direct quotes from canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-08
Updated: 2016-11-08
Packaged: 2018-08-29 22:09:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8507314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hibiscusandmistletoe/pseuds/hibiscusandmistletoe
Summary: It's Asahi who notices first so it's his responsibility to alert Nishinoya to the situation: they are soulmates. Now if only Asahi's tattoo would stop running away every time he tries to approach him, that would be great. With Daichi and Suga's help maybe he can find a way to get around his own shyness?





	

**Author's Note:**

> All of the direct quotes from the series are in italics! They were taken from 2-3 different anime subs so some might seem slightly different than what you're used to, depending on which version you watched :)

Every person in the world is born with a sentient tattoo. It has been this way since long before written history. The phenomenon is present in even the earliest bits of oral history, scientists theorize that the first humans probably had them already, and art historians think that they might be the reason humans started to draw on cave walls. They aren’t always called tattoos and the legends and stories of origin are different all over the world, but the result is the same. At birth, every child is born with a companion animal on their skin. Sometimes, depending on the timing, it can be seen in the echography during pregnancy. The tattoo is always of an animal that currently exists on earth, and has only ever been documented to be all black or all white. At death, the tattoo stops moving around and solidifies in one place. Most importantly, at any point in time, there can only ever be 2 or very rarely 3 of the same animal at once.

That’s how people find their soulmates.

Of course it can still be tricky. Even with technology and message boards, there are so many species of so many animals, and because statistically speaking there are more bugs than anything else combined, there can be huge confusion. Good luck trying to find your soulmate if you can’t tell whether you have a Monarch or a Viceroy on your body.

The tattoos are completely independent of their humans’ wills, but they’re also limited in their field of action. They can’t talk or write “I’m not a spider, I’m a harvestman” on their person’s forehead. They don’t eat, but they can sleep. They mostly roam the body of the person they were born on. The host has no say about where they can and can’t go, but generally, tattoos follow the same type of behaviour and personality as their person, and would only disregard that to guide their host.  Tattoos can be incredibly useful. Though they can’t taste or feel, they can see and hear, and most people believe that they have some level of extra-human perception. They can alert their human of physical danger or suspicious persons, they can sense the weather and remind them to bring an umbrella, or insist that they leave it home so that their soulmate can have an excuse to talk to them, provoking them to meet. Most humans find ways to communicate with their tattoos using body language like tail wagging or leg shaking. Once you meet your soulmate, your tattoos can travel on each other’s bodies at will.

Asahi’s tattoo is of a black salamander. He doesn’t exactly know which kind but he’s not in a hurry to find out who his soulmate is so it doesn’t matter all that much. It has short legs and a narrow head and fits perfectly from the tip of Asahi’s middle finger down to the beginning of his wrist. It suits him pretty well now, but it was relatively big for a baby to have. It doesn’t happen so often, statistically speaking, but occasionally, a person may have an animal so big that they can never see their entire tattoo at once. Asahi thinks that he knows the shape of his tattoo pretty intimately and if he ever were to see it on anyone else, he would know. Exact names are mostly useful for people want to use the internet to find their soulmates quicker. Anyway, he figures that if it’s the right person, their tattoos will probably rush in each other’s directions to the very tip of their bodies until he and his soulmate get the hint and introduce each other, like they do in the movies. Maybe he can wait until he is approached.

Asahi and his salamander have been through a lot together. As with most children, his tattoo was his first best friend. Though he never felt the need to name it, his salamander had been his primary support for most of his life. He had loving but very busy and hardworking parents, no siblings, and he always had a hard time approaching people so it took him a while to make friends. Middle school volleyball had been his first taste of relying and being relied on and he revelled in it. Asahi has a strong sense of responsibility. Responsibility toward his parents, to do well even without their direct guidance, to have good grades and keep out of trouble. Now, with his team, he had somewhere to direct that energy. It was the hardest thing in the world to have to graduate.

They promised to keep in touch but of course they didn’t.

During the first volleyball club meeting of the new school year, the other two first years applying for the club with him discover that they have perfectly matching white beetles. Smaller than a stag beetle but otherwise non identifiable, one of the beetles rushes down the boy’s arm to the tip of his finger, just like in the movies, while on the other boy, another beetle creeps out from underneath his sleeve, shyly at first, and then with great enthusiasm. Up until that point, Asahi had never considered that his soulmate might not be a girl. Part of his reluctance to go looking for his other half stemmed from how intimidated he was by all girls in general and how intimidated they all seemed by him but, now that he was considering his options more clearly, he didn’t think the gender of his soulmate would make much of a difference. It would be nerve wracking anyway. What if he got rejected? What if he did make a mistake and it was a different salamander, or a newt?

Asahi thought about this frequently for someone who wasn’t too interested in meeting his soulmate. He tried to think of the worse possible scenarios and sometimes he liked to give himself a break and imagine what the best scenario might look like. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if he could get to know this person beforehand. Maybe it was someone he had already met. Maybe they just hadn’t seen each other’s companions yet, maybe that could happen if the two tattoos had never seen each other because of clothes or bad timing. Maybe he wouldn’t have to rush into it, they could take their time and develop a natural connection first.

His first year goes by in the blink of an eye. Asahi goes from being his middle school’s ace, to training with everyone and not playing any real matches, to being placed in the starting lineup right before the summer tournament. Already, he is the tallest member of the team. Some of the third years are bitter, but they’re too intimidated to do much. He gets closer to the first years that live close to him, the ones that are soulmates. They try for the spring tournament but don’t make it. Still, Asahi gets to keep his position for the upcoming year. They train excruciatingly hard in the off-season. He can feel himself getting stronger, and taller too. He isn’t the only one to notice. Before the end of the school year, almost by default, he is declared the ace of Karasuno.

On the first day of his second year Asahi meets his soulmate.

Nishinoya Yuu is loud and cool and comes with excellent recommendations. Asahi never got to play directly against him in middle school, but he had watched many of his games from the bleachers or out of the corner of his eye between sets with other teams. He has always been amazed by his abilities and relieved that their schools never ended up facing off. He might have noticed at some point that Nishinoya had a tattoo that was black and bigger than most insects. That it was longer than it was large, and as energetic as its human, darting all over his body and diving to his fingertips whenever he saved a ball. He had never been close enough to see it, it was just one more of the few things he sort of knew about Nishinoya Yuu.

On the fateful day, Nishinoya is the first at the gym and Asahi is the last one in. They are briefly introduced. Asahi isn’t looking for it specifically but in any case, Nishinoya’s tattoo isn’t visible during that interaction. In the practice match that will decide the first years’ fates, Asahi and Nishinoya are placed on opposing teams. Once they’re lined up, the third year captain openly declares them foils, which gets Nishinoya all fired up. Asahi is afraid, until they’re about to start and he catches a glimpse of a tail flicking up Nishinoya’s shirt collar, brushing against his ear. He glances down to see if his salamander also noticed, but it’s nowhere to be seen. The tail disappears under the libero’s clothes and Asahi is distracted for most of the first set, hoping to see it again, to see if what he is feeling could be true. It’s just a feeling but… Several times he sees a shadow running in and out of Nishinoya’s clothes but he can’t make it out. His side loses and he decides to ignore it for the second set.

They’re in the third set when Asahi finally gets a good look at it. His team is at Match Point and the other side has called a timeout. Nishinoya is drinking water from a bottle when a salamander just like Asahi’s crawls down his leg. Asahi draws a sharp breath. The salamander stares at him, daring him to say something. It looks at his upper arm and he follows its gaze to his own tattoo. The poor thing looks terrified, its head is barely peeking out of his sleeve and when Nishinoya, probably sensing some of the silent commotion, turns around to look at him, it disappears somewhere under his clothes. Nishinoya grins at him, oblivious, and Asahi breathes out.

This might be more difficult than expected.

Over the next few days, he spends his time that isn’t volleyball or school thinking about what he has learned. Nishinoya Yuu, the terrifying libero from Chidoriyama, talented and hardworking, immediately appointed as Karasuno’s own libero in his first week… is his soulmate. At first, Asahi thinks this is a mistake. Not that he probably couldn’t get himself to feel the way a soulmate should with Nishinoya, but his tattoo had acted so strange. He’s never heard of a companion actively running away from their soulmate. Sure, Asahi is a reserved person. Some would even say he’s shy, and that has definitely rubbed off on his tattoo, but… this is a bit extreme, isn’t it? Surely he’s mistaken. It must be a different type of lizard or else why wasn’t Nishinoya’s tattoo making a bigger deal out of this? Maybe it needs to get a better look at him or a better look at his companion? Even so, Asahi’s not wrong. He gets several more good looks at Nishinoya’s tattoo over the week and even though every time Asahi’s own salamander runs away, they are definitely the same.

He feels responsible, knowing, but he doesn’t know what to do about it.

“Suga-san! Daichi-san!” Asahi breaks into a light run to catch up to them after practice.

“Oh, hey Asahi,” They wait for him. “What’s up?” Daichi claps Asahi on the back once he catches up. They make a space for him between them and he matches their pace, they start to walk in the general direction of their homes together.

“I… I’m not sure how to broach the topic.” It helps that they’re all looking forward and he doesn’t have to meet eyes with either of them. “What if… I mean, hypothetically…” Asahi clenches his fists to steel himself and then he says it all in one go. “What if you know who your soulmate is but they don’t know yet and every time you get near them your tattoo runs and hides?” Asahi takes a deep breath. Daichi and Suga look at each other.

“Is that why you’ve been so weird around Nishinoya lately?”

“Ah— what??” Asahi looks back and forth between the both of them. They’re both trying not to laugh. “Is it that obvious?” He panics. “Has Nishinoya noticed??” Suga laughs.

“No, not at all! He’s probably really obliviou-”

“It’s probably just because we’ve known you longer!” Daichi glares at Suga and cuts in. “That’s why we’ve noticed. I mean, it’s not like Tanaka or the other first years know either, and the third years don’t care…” Asahi breathes a sigh of relief. The idea of everyone else knowing would be too embarrassing.

“Well, Nishinoya really is an oblivious person off of the court.”

“Suga!”

“What?”

“Don’t say things that sound like this will be hard,” Daichi points his thumb at Asahi. “I don’t think his glass heart could take it…”

“Hey, guys, I’m right here…”

“Well, I mean,” Suga thinks for a minute. “What should you do though? What have you tried so far?” Asahi looks at the ground and mumbles. “What was that?”

“I. Nothing. I wanted to just talk to him but…”

“You don’t know him very well yet.” Daichi supplies.

“Yeah…”

“So what you need is a way to tell him without saying anything!” Suga grins at him. Asahi blinks.

“That would be ideal, really, I didn’t think it would be possible…”

“You just need the right plan!” Now Asahi looks scared, or maybe just nervous, like he might get sick soon.

“What did you have in mind?” He asks.

The first plan on Suga and Daichi’s list isn’t too outrageous but it does make him feel exposed. It’s something Asahi needs to do anyway, but thinking about it while he does it still brings a blush to his cheeks. They’re in the club room. Asahi makes sure he’s there on time to get the timing right. He isn’t alone with Nishinoya but he makes sure to stand close to him. He unbuttons the jacket of his gakuran and tries to stay calm. Nishinoya already has his jacket off and is toeing off his school shoes. Asahi takes a deep breath and takes his shirt off.

Nothing happens. Nishinoya looks, briefly, his eyes most likely attracted by the sudden movement, but there isn’t anything to look at, Asahi’s salamander is nowhere to be seen. He curses under his breath. No one hears him. He wants to look for it but he doesn’t want to draw anybody else’s attention. It probably scampered off somewhere else, in his pants maybe. For a moment Asahi thinks he should try again when it’s sleeping and catch it off guard, but then he remembers that his tattoo never sleeps when there is the promise of volleyball. He looks up but Nishinoya is already gone. Asahi quickly gets changed.

After practice he updates Daichi and Suga on his situation.

“Hmm…” Suga ponders. “Maybe you should just get totally naked, that way it doesn’t have a place to hide?” Asahi turns beet red.

“Or,” Daichi cuts in. “Maybe you just need to get as close to naked as possible as quickly as possible? Don’t give it the chance?” Asahi is still blushing violently but he nods.

The next day, he has the keys and he’s the first in the club room. He waits a few minutes. Nishinoya arrives second with Tanaka in tow. Asahi pretends that he just got there a few seconds before them. They start to change. Asahi takes a deep breath and immediately sheds most of his clothes. He looks up from the puddle of clothes around his ankles and stands in his boxers and nothing else. Tanaka and Nishinoya are staring at him, clearly amused. Tanaka whistles.

“Woah, you’re ripped, Azumane-san!” They cackle, but neither of them look away from Asahi’s body. Asahi feels his blush spreading all the way down his chest. When he bends down to pick up his things, he can see in the reflection of the window above him that his salamander has raced all the way up into his hair. He sighs and puts on his gym clothes.

“Okay, so what now?” He is walking home with Daichi and Suga again, this time after they’ve all gone out for pork buns with the rest of the team. It’s dark. “Coach Ukai is coming back to the team soon, I don’t want to be distracted.”

“Maybe,” Daichi starts. “Have you tried to touch him?”

“N-no!”

“Not in any weird way,” Daichi clarifies. “Just casually, in passing or in a match, like you would anyone else.” To be honest, Asahi had been avoiding any physical contact with Nishinoya at all.

“Sometimes,” Suga explains with a small smile. “Your tattoos need the slight push of touch before they can get acquainted.” Suga looks at Daichi lovingly and Asahi remembers that on that faithful day a little over a year ago Daichi had had a hand on Suga’s wrist when Suga’s beetle shyly crawled out of Suga’s sleeve. It had only sped up once Daichi’s beetle was already on him.

“Okay.” Asahi stares off in front of him. “I’ll try it.”

It takes all of Asahi’s efforts to make it seem natural. First, he has to wait until they’re playing on the same side which for no reason at all doesn’t happen for several practices. Then, he has to wait for Nishinoya to do something cool or amazing or somehow worthy of praise which happens all of the time of course but every time he tries to work himself up to it, he just can’t seem to bring his hand up to pat Nishinoya on the back. Finally, toward the end of their last set, Nishinoya does an incredible save and it’s Asahi that gets to spike it and it feels so good, it’s almost involuntary when he places a congratulatory hand on Nishinoya’s shoulder. Asahi feels too good from their play to notice that nothing tattoo-related happens. He looks to Suga who gave him the perfect toss and he’s about to say so when he notices that the setter is trying to mouth him something.

“His skin, you have to touch his skin-!” Suga says silently. Asahi quickly glances at his hand still on Nishinoya’s shoulder. Nishinoya is about to walk away out of his reach. Asahi panics and quickly slides his hand down his arm. His heart stops. Nishinoya’s salamander actually comes out from the sleeve that was just separating their touch and crawls over Asahi’s hand… and right past it. Nishinoya, who had been looking somewhere else, looks at him now and grins so wide that his big beautiful eyes shut completely.

“Nice kill!” He says, completely oblivious.

They get into positions for the next serve and Asahi looks down at his hand. It’s impossible to feel tattoos but Asahi would swear that he feels something where Nishinoya’s tattoo was. At least now he has absolute confirmation.

“Asahi-san,” Suga starts the next day. “We’ve been thinking about your situation.” Asahi groans. “And we’ve come to the conclusion that the problem isn’t with Noya-san,” It never was, Asahi wants to say. “But with you.”

“Eh- what do you mean?” Asahi crisps up.

“You need to relax.” Daichi deadpans.

“Your nervousness is transferring to your tattoo.” Suga states. “It probably thinks you’re in danger or something.”

“Well maybe I am?”

“Asahi-san are you still scared of Noya-san?” Asahi thinks about it.

“…No. Not anymore.”

“Are you scared of having him as a soulmate?” Asahi thinks about Nishinoya, his personality, his antics with Tanaka, the way he plays, his looks, the way it felt to hit the spike that he made possible.

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Are you scared of having a soulmate in general?” Daichi specifies Suga’s question. For the first time in a few weeks Asahi lets himself think about the implications of having a soulmate. Someone that would be with him forever, someone he could be with forever, someone he was stuck with now? Someone who could still reject him, fate aside. Someone he would never be able to say no to? Someone he was still scared of up until recently. What if… Asahi lets himself dwell on all of his insecurities and hypothetical scenarios.

“…yeah…” He admits, looking visibly sick.

“Come home with us.” Suga says.

“What?” Asahi says.

“What?” Daichi says.

“Well, if you’re scared of having a soulmate because you don’t know what it would be like, maybe you should see what it really is like.”

“Am I going to have to watch you two kiss?”

“No.” Daichi says at the same time as Suga says “Well, maybe.”

“How is this going to work, don’t you both still live with your families?” For a second, Asahi worries that his two friends might have moved out of their parents’ house to be with each other. They’re only seventeen—!

“Yes! No no, it’s nothing like that!” Suga says like he can tell what Asahi is thinking. “But, well, they have been accommodating.” Suga looks at Daichi like he’s asking for permission to continue. “Both of our sets of parents are soulmates that found each other at a young age. None of them had it easy with their own parents.”

“Yeah,” Daichi squeezes Suga’s hand once, lightly. “My parents weren’t allowed to see each other until they moved out. My grandparents even moved to a different prefecture for a while so that my dad couldn’t see my mom.”

“Why?”

“It was a different time, my mom’s family didn’t have a lot of money or status. The importance of tattoos ebbs and flows with the cultural currents in a way. They thought they could change my father’s mind and convince him to ignore his destiny.” Asahi briefly thinks of his own parents. He never dwells on it but they’re not actually soulmates, not in the traditional way. His father’s soulmate died in a typhoon when they were teenagers and his mother’s soulmate is overseas. They stopped trying to make it work long-distance when his mom met his dad. They’ve never met in person. He thinks they’re pretty happy, his parents, even if his mom works in an office all the time and his dad has to leave for months at a time with his construction company.

They go to Asahi’s house first so he can change and grab a few things. His mother is home early, working at the computer. She finds it sort of odd of him to sleep at a friend’s house in the middle of the week but she doesn’t stop him. When they get to Daichi and Suga’s street, Asahi isn’t sure where to go. They live almost across the street from each other.

“Don’t worry,” Daichi says.

“We’re having supper at my house and then sleeping at Daichi’s.” Suga smiles.

They have a really nice night. Everyone makes Asahi feel at home. They do their homework at Suga’s house and have supper with his parents. Suga’s dad is a great cook. They treat Daichi like a second son and Asahi like a beloved guest. Asahi can feel that everyone around him is very loved. It’s a heart-warming thing to be a part of for the evening. Suga and Daichi explain why they brought Asahi along and at first Asahi is mortified but Suga’s parents are very kind to him.

“You’ll see,” Suga’s mom says. “No matter what apprehensions you might have before, whether you’re worried he won’t really like you or you want to remain your own person, all of it will vanish once you’re truly together.” She links hands with Suga’s father and two little mice scamper from one arm to the other.

After supper they help clean up and then they head up the street to Daichi’s house. It’s getting dark. Suga doesn’t bring anything other than his book bag with him and Asahi learns that they both keep a drawer of things at each other’s houses. Daichi’s family is just as inviting as Suga’s but he also has many siblings. They take turns being afraid of Asahi and then tugging on his bun once he sits down. The three high school students decide to catch the second half of a kid-friendly action movie in the living room with everyone before heading to bed and they sit on the floor in front of the couch. Asahi has never seen Daichi and Suga so comfortable showing affection before. They’re not all over each other, but they’re sitting close, shoulders touching, holding hands, Suga’s head leaning slightly to the side onto Daichi’s shoulder. They look really happy. Daichi’s younger siblings can’t sit still while watching the movie, one plays with Suga’s feet while another sits on his lap and grabs his chin. Asahi laughs, quietly. Daichi’s slightly older siblings sit on the couch between their parents and occasionally try to tickle Daichi and Suga in the ribs with their toes. Asahi, thankfully, is spared.

Before they all head to bed, Daichi’s siblings insist on each giving Daichi and Suga a goodnight hug. They wave Asahi sleepy goodbyes. Daichi’s room is just wide enough to accommodate a full bed and a futon on the floor next to it. They brush their teeth and change before sitting in their respective sleeping spots to chat, Daichi and Suga on the bed and Asahi on the floor.

“So, how was it?” Suga asks Asahi.

“It was nice, thank you for inviting me,” Asahi smiles.

“Are you a little less nervous now?” Daichi asks him.

“Yeah, I think so, I mean,” Asahi still has a few questions. “Do you spend every day together like this?”

“Mostly, yeah. We have classes together and have supper at one house or the other, usually fairly late because of volleyball. Daichi’s parents eat earlier because his siblings are so young so we eat more frequently at my house. Sometimes, if it’s really late, we can’t come here or else we would wake everyone up, but we try to keep it fairly even.”

“For how long have you been doing this?”

“Hmm… the first few months after we found out… we tried to be really cautious about it. I think we were both planning to concentrate on volleyball so it was a surprise timing for us. We tried to date normally but it felt like things were being pushed along quickly naturally so we went with it.”

“I met Daichi’s family in the first week, I think,” Suga laughs.

“How did you not know before? You live almost across the street from each other…”

“We never went to the same school, we always played on opposite teams. I think we noticed each other before, I think I thought or I realized during one of our matches in middle school that I was playing against my neighbour, but having this many siblings isn’t really conducive to hanging out with anyone else.” Daichi laughs, quietly so they don’t wake anyone up.

“Plus, we needed to touch so that our marks could meet each other.” Suga adds.

“You mean you needed to be touched-”

“Anyway,” Asahi interrupts before it can go anywhere. “This is pretty cool.” Asahi smiles. He still has so many questions but they feel too personal to ask and he is getting sleepy.

“Glad we could help.” They both smile back. They all lie down. Someone turns off the last light. Asahi thinks of Nishinoya, of what it would be like if they spent every day together, even more than they do now. He falls asleep almost instantly.

In the next week, Asahi tries to relax around Noya. It’s hard because he knows Coach Ukai is coming soon and it puts a time limit on his endeavour. One week left. Asahi starts to think maybe he should go back to the plan where he is honest with Noya and just tells him the truth, but every time he tries, he crisps back up and has to work all over again to relax.

They’re playing better and better together. Asahi remembers the bitter defeats he had with Karasuno in his first year. The team feels like it is finally starting to maybe rebuild its confidence. He is getting more and more excited for the return of the legendary coach. He gets into a conversation about it with Noya before morning practice one day, and he feels good, like maybe today is the day. He rolls up his sleeves so that his tattoo has somewhere visible to go but the act pulls him out of the moment and he can’t stay calm enough. The conversation ends shortly after and Asahi rolls his sleeve back down sadly.

Again and again he tries for several days. He starts rolling his sleeves up all the time, just in case. He talks to Noya in the morning, and at practice, and when he sees him around school. They chat after school with everyone and sometimes alone. His tattoo still won’t show itself. Asahi is starting to worry that it will just hop off his body and run in the other direction.

“What if you just fell asleep?” Daichi muses one afternoon. The three of them all have popsicles. They were walking with Noya too but he lives so close to the school that they parted ways a while ago.

“Ah?”

“Yeah, maybe you can’t relax while you’re awake but I’m sure you could if you were unconscious. You could just arrange to fall asleep near Nishinoya and then, when you wake up again, you could find out if it worked!” Suga says excitedly.

“How would I even go about orchestrating that?”

“I don’t know, study under a tree together?”

“Is that something people actually do?”

“Well, not really, the papers tend to fly everywhere and there’s the risk of getting grass stains on your uniform… maybe it’s not such a good idea…”

“It could be fun…” Daichi says sheepishly, not looking at either of them.

“Is that a hint?” Suga grins. Daichi blushes but he doesn’t reply. “Try it!” Suga says to Asahi encouragingly.

Asahi does. He wouldn’t, otherwise, do something so contrived, but he’s running out of options and he’s running out of time. He asks Noya the next morning to study outside with him at lunch.

“Sure!” He says and grins and it’s a really good grin Asahi thinks. “I’ll meet you under that tree, over there.” Noya points to one of the trees they can see from outside of the club room. He seems pretty happy, and not like he thinks this is a strange thing to ask a teammate, especially when they’re nowhere near tests and in separate grades.

“See you then.” Asahi fights down his blush.

They meet under the tree and it’s a lot hotter out than it was in the morning. Asahi buys them juice from the machine. He really is sleepy. He was so worried he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep in time for the plan to work that he didn’t sleep all night. He sits with his back to the tree. His bare elbow brushes against Noya’s arm but nothing happens. It’s just nice. Asahi wants to fall asleep, his body especially want him to be asleep right now, but he can’t get himself to look away. Noya is studying pretty hard so he doesn’t notice how Asahi stares at him openly. His face, his hands, his shoulders, the place where their arms meet. He has a nice nose, Asahi thinks, and long eyelashes. Asahi falls asleep thinking of how beautiful and handsome Noya is, his soulmate.

He is very rudely awakened moments later by the bell.

It makes him jump, startled, and his heart feels like it left his body then came back suddenly. Noya looks at him a bit surprised, then laughs. He gathers his things and gets up. It takes Asahi a moment longer with his own supplies and when he’s ready to stand he is handed a hand. He takes it and is pleasantly surprised that Noya can help him up without a problem.

“Let’s do this again sometime!” Noya waves him goodbye and then runs to his classroom. Asahi’s heartbeat pounds in his ears. That night when he gets home he finds out he got sunburned.

Asahi waits a few days. He’s out of other plans and he can’t tell if this one worked. He studies Noya for clues when they talk, hints that he might know or suspect something, but there is nothing. He has run out time, Coach Ukai is here, and he doesn’t know how long to wait until he can ask Noya to study with him again without it being weird.

“Maybe you should just wait until Noya notices?”

“I thought that was sort of what I was doing?” Asahi is confused. Suga laughs.

“I mean naturally, maybe if you can’t just tell him yet you should just wait? You two probably just aren’t ready yet.”

“Oh.”

“Just stop thinking about it so much,” Daichi says. “You should still hang out with him of course!” Daichi adds when he sees the sad look on Asahi’s face. “It’s good for your bond and for the team, but you don’t have to worry about worrying, just… don’t worry… if that makes sense?” Asahi nods. It’ll be difficult, especially after focusing on it for so long, but he thinks he can do it. Anyway he has other things to focus on now. Coach Ukai has been here for a day and Asahi is feeling sore muscles where he didn’t know he had any.

He still walks home with Daichi and Suga on most days, as usual, but they don’t scheme anymore. The team still goes out together at night after practice, but they’re much more tired than before. Asahi talks to Noya at least a little bit every day. It’s nice, really nice. Training is difficult but even if it’s not showing up in his game yet, Asahi can feel himself getting stronger at an accelerated pace. He thinks this must be good for all of them when suddenly 5 members of the team walk out in the same week. That Friday night, Asahi and Nishinoya go get meat buns by themselves. Everyone else is too shocked by the betrayal to go out. For the two of them, it’s easier to stay together than to go home.

“I can’t believe it…” Noya says quietly, angrily. He looks personally betrayed.

“Yeah…” They don’t say anything else about it. Instead, Noya starts talking about a movie he wants to go see soon. Asahi thinks about asking to go with him, maybe even as a date, but the thought has him blushing up to his ears and he quickly abandons the idea, grateful for the dark cover of the night. They hang around chatting about nothing until both of them realize the time and run their separate ways home. The next day they both give their all to training, like they’re trying to make up for the members lost. If anyone notices, no one says anything.

The next few weeks are a blur of practice matches, conditioning, practicing, and the bare amount of studying required to pass. Asahi thinks about asking Noya to study again but there isn’t any time, especially since they’re not in the same grade. Everyone is exhausted, but everyone is excited. First, the summer inter-high. Then, the Spring Tournament. They may have lost some members, but moral is high.

Several things happen in quick succession. First, Coach Ukai gets really sick. They’re not sure what it is, but one afternoon they’re all practicing normally and the next morning a faculty member comes into the gym and lets Kiyoko know that Coach Ukai is in the hospital. Then, with purely coincidental timing, several days later three of the five members who had quit return. A short week after that, the summer inter-high begins. By the skin of their teeth they manage to make it a bracket higher than the year before, to the top eight. It doesn’t feel like enough. The bus is silent on the way home. Asahi can feel the pressure on him from all directions, even after his teammates fall asleep. They carry the weight of their own defeat, and that of knowing that at some point, maybe during, maybe after his hospital stay, Coach Ukai would have to hear about their early defeat.

He doesn’t come back, after.

In a surprising, or maybe entirely unsurprising turn of events, none of the third years decide to stick it out to the spring tournament. Daichi is promoted to captain, which is as predictable as it is welcomed, and Suga is now the starting setter and vice-captain, which is equally obvious. Tanaka, Ennoshita, and Narita become regulars. Together they attend the practice matches that Coach Ukai had set up for them but there isn’t anyone there to book more once they run out. It doesn’t take them that long to get used to the new starting lineup, but they are painfully aware of their own shortcomings. They lose more than half of their practice matches. Practice after Coach Ukai’s departure is less intense but twice as long.

They feel so responsible, everyone does, but Asahi feels it the most. He wakes up at the crack of dawn and gets home long after the moon is up. Sometimes his mom is home and they talk a little bit over late supper, to catch up. Most of the time she’s either away on a business trip or already asleep. His dad is away, he has a contract in Hokkaido. On most days, Asahi and Noya are the first ones to the clubroom and on most days, Noya talks up a storm and Asahi tries his best to listen. Sometimes they don’t say anything at all. Asahi thinks maybe he’s falling in love. The morning of their first spring tournament preliminary match, they’re both quiet while they wait for the bus. They watch the sunrise. Unbeknown to the both of them, their elbows bump and their tattoos officially meet for the first time.

Their first match isn’t easy, but it could have been worse. They barely win the third set. Asahi should be feeling the rush of victory but instead he barely feels relieved. Noya praises one of his spikes but he can barely hear him. In the break before their second match he tries to use his visualization technique but there isn’t enough time and he can’t concentrate. On their way to get warmed up again, Noya gives Asahi a reassuring pat on the forearm and a confident look. It happens quickly. Despite his nerves, Asahi’s salamander shoots up his leg from under his sock and runs down his arm toward Noya’s hand. It takes too long for Noya to notice, he’s focused on Asahi’s face and on trying to change his worried expression. His hand along with the salamander on it is already off by the time Asahi’s tattoo catches up.  

“Oh,” Noya looks down. Asahi’s salamander scurries away. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen your tattoo before, it’s bigger than I thought it would be!” Nishinoya slaps Asahi on the back, once, hard. “Fast, too! I didn’t even see what it was!” Asahi isn’t sure if he should be relieved or not. It would be pretty terrible timing if everything were to come out now.

They lose.

They lose the first set and then they keep losing. His spikes aren’t going through. Suga’s tosses are ideal for him, Tanaka’s receives have greatly improved since the beginning of the school year, Noya is amazing behind him, Daichi is trying his hardest, Ennoshita and Narita and Kinnoshita when he gets subbed in, they all are. He can’t. There’s nothing he can do. He keeps trying. And then he can’t anymore and it’s their last chance and his concentration breaks. He can’t move. He doesn’t call for the toss. He can feel everyone looking at him but he can’t get himself in position. His throat is too tight to call out. He feels crushed. The only points they’ve made the entire match are because of the other team’s mistakes and a few good blocks. Daichi calls the toss. It doesn’t go through. The whistle blows. The court falls from underneath his feet. They line up. He feels his head being dragged down by an invisible force when he bows and he wants to keep it down there. In a way, he does. They leave the court. They leave the gymnasium. They leave Sendai. They have a meeting and clean the gym even though no one feels up to practicing.

They’re in the supply room when they break. Asahi is putting away the cart of volleyballs. A mop handle clatters on the ground behind him. A curse.

They fight.

_“Don’t you dare give up on a ball I keep in play!”_

_“I don’t care how many spikes don’t get through. I wouldn’t blame you in the least.”_

_“However, I don’t forgive anyone who gives up on me!”_

He leaves.

Why? How could they not blame him? Why were they blaming themselves, why did they seem content to gloss over his failure? Did they want him to blame himself in their place? How could Nishinoya acknowledge his own shortcomings but not Asahi’s? Why did he waste his efforts on a team like theirs, on a player like Asahi? Why did they all seem to think they could trust Asahi? With the team? With victory? He couldn’t make it count. Not Nishinoya’s receives. Not Coach Ukai’s training. Not Sugawara’s tosses. Not the support of his teammates. It was all lost on him. All for nothing.

He gave up on the match. He gave up on Nishinoya. He would have to give up on volleyball.

The next day, he doesn’t show up to practice.

He wakes up in the morning at the same time as usual, like he would if he did go, and he eats the same things he would for the same reason. At 6:45 he thinks of leaving his house, but he doesn’t. He washes his own dishes. He double checks his homework. He reads a few pages of his English book. On the way to school he doesn’t bump into Sawamura or Sugawara. He attends his classes as usual. He keeps his head down. He’s not in the same class as anyone else from the team so it’s not too hard to avoid them. He leaves his classroom once, quickly, just to use the washroom. After school he avoids the hallway with the side door to the gym. It’s easy to leave after that. He gets home early, while the sun is still up, and does his homework at a leisurely pace. It goes more quickly than usual because he’s more awake and has the energy. He doesn’t really know what to do after that but by chance his mom comes home early. She’s surprised to see him. He’s not ready to say anything to her yet or to say anything out loud about it at all. He listens to her work stories instead. She informs him that his dad is coming home soon.

The day after that, he does the same. He still won’t look up. During lunch on his way back to the classroom he’s looking at the floor. It’s easy for him then to notice the pair of feet headed straight for him. He stops a few meters away and finally looks up.

 _“Why didn’t you show up to practice yesterday?”_ Nishinoya has the same tone of voice that he did in the supply room. Asahi is automatically defensive, and also afraid. The tail of his tattoo flicks against his neck like the first time he saw it up close. Asahi feels sick. _“Soon after the new school year, it’ll be the Inter-High.”_ Asahi looks off to the side. How could he be expected to be there? Why would they ever want him there? His mouth moves on its own.

_“It’s no fun hitting spikes that count for nothing.”_

_“It’s got to be futile for you to retrieve balls that never count.”_

It’s not what he thinks and it’s not what Nishinoya thinks and it’s not what either of them would want but maybe it’s what needs to happen or maybe it’s what Asahi thinks needs to happen. He needs to walk away. He needs to cut the ties. The fact that they’re supposed to be soulmates doesn’t matter right now. Besides, Nishinoya doesn’t know. He can go on. They can go on without him too, the team. He realizes now that giving up on Nishinoya and giving up volleyball also means giving up Nishinoya completely. 

They’re all better off.

_“It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks!”_

His name. The sound of something shattering. Asahi doesn’t turn around. He doesn’t want to see the look on Nishinoya’s face. He doesn’t want to take responsibility for that, too.

_“Don’t you want to make a spike count again?!”_

He hears about it from some classmates later while they’re cleaning the classroom. They heard he was there so they won’t talk to him directly but he can pick up their whispering. The vase, the vice-principal, Nishinoya’s academic record. He tries to ignore it but it’s automatically added to the list of things that he takes responsibility for. Suspended. Guilty, he thinks that at least like this Nishinoya won’t be able to convince him of anything. He would only regret it, anyway.

No one else comes to see him or convince him and Asahi is both lonely and grateful. He has a few friends in his class and a handful of other people that aren’t automatically scared of him, but he goes home alone every night. Since he doesn’t plan on going to college, he doesn’t study more than he has to. Instead he reads, and mows the lawn, and watches variety shows. When that gets boring he tries to learn to cook so he can surprise his mom. He’s not very good at it yet but, well, he has time to learn now. A week after his last volleyball game, Asahi’s dad comes home.

It’s around six o’clock. His mom isn’t home yet and she left it up to Asahi to try to make yellow curry from the box. The doorbell rings and Asahi leaves the pots unattended. The first thing he notices when he opens the door is that he’s taller than his dad now.

“Asahi!” His dad is the same as he was six months ago. Well, maybe he has a few more gray hairs and a slightly darker tan now.

“Hi, dad.” Asahi smiles for the first time in over a week. His dad claps him on the back on the way in.

“Smells good, is that you cooking?” His dad sounds surprised, but not too surprised. His mom probably said something on the phone.

“I, uh, yeah!” Asahi remembers the pots he left on the stove and gently pushes past his dad into the kitchen. His vegetables have boiled over a little but nothing is burned, an improvement. He gets everything under control and his dad chuckles at his sigh of relief when he slumps against the counter.

“You’re home early, aren’t you still doing that volleyball thing?”

Asahi looks up, suddenly pained.

He doesn’t have to say anything. The front door unlocks and opens and his mom is home and his dad is rushing toward her, out of the kitchen. Asahi feels another wave of relief and hunches over himself a bit more. He hears their laughter and thinks for a second about Nishinoya. He silently pours the water into the rice cooker and tries not to think about anything at all. In the dining room his parents are kneeling at the low table informally with their legs to the side, close to each other. Their tattoos can’t cross over but they stay close to each other. When his parents hold hands on the table, his dad’s fish swims circles around his mother’s grasshopper. Asahi offers them something to drink. They coo over him and eat his box curry proudly. His dad doesn’t mention volleyball again the whole night.

The next morning Asahi finally allows himself to sleep in the extra hour that he doesn’t need anymore. He’s alone, his parents are asleep, his mom has taken the day off of work. For a second Asahi thinks of calling in sick at school, but then he thinks that would be selfish of him.

After school, Asahi’s dad is in the front yard planting flowers.

“Your mom picked these out today,” He explains, gesturing to the half-dozen new additions to the garden. “Nice job with the grass by the way.”

“Thanks, dad.”

“Your mom is making supper tonight, so I thought you and I could have a chat?” He hands Asahi a pair of gardening gloves, but then takes them back before Asahi can grab them. “Actually, you should probably change out of your uniform first.” He laughs. Asahi quickly changes, waving to his mom on the way to his room.  The first shirt he picks up from the bottom of his drawer has garish calligraphy on the back and makes his heart go tight. He stuffs it back in and picks a plain one instead.

“So,” His dad starts once they’re both elbow deep in dirt. “Tell your old man what’s up.”

Asahi is conflicted. He’s still not ready to say anything yet. He doesn’t know how. His parents never really push for that kind of thing, they’re not usually this open. He doesn’t want to burden anyone. He must look really off. He’s probably being a burden to them just by being that way. But… Asahi hasn’t had anyone to talk to about this. He never sees Sawamura-san and Sugawara-san anymore, and wouldn’t know how to say anything anymore if he did. Especially about volleyball. And Nishinoya.

“Is it girl troubles?” His dad grins into the flowers. “Or boy troubles! Your mom and I never really knew either way…” Asahi’s hands still, the handful of dirt he is holding forms a loose ball in his fist. He drops it back in the pot. His dad looks at him honestly. “It’s okay either way, son.” He says seriously. Asahi still can’t say anything. His tattoo crosses his face, he can tell when his nose temporarily blackens and when his dad starts back a bit. “…Did you find your soulmate?”

“…I lost my soulmate.” Asahi mumbles. And then because he knows his dad’s story and knows how those words could have sounded, he quickly adds. “I mean, I don’t think he would ever want to talk to me again now.” His dad puts a moist dirty hand on his shoulder. Asahi can feel the coolness of the earth through his shirt.

“Is that why you’re not doing volleyball anymore?”

“No…” Asahi pats the dirt around a newly planted begonia. “The other way around.”

“A teammate then?”

“Yeah…”

“That’s tough.” His dad pats him on the back a few times before removing his hand. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t know.” Asahi says honestly.

“Well, what’s this guy like?” His dad is curious. Asahi is hesitant. He really doesn’t want to have to think about Nishinoya, especially while having to think about how he’ll never get to bring him home and have him meet his dad and his mom and cook box curry for him and—

“He’s a really great guy. Dependable. Energetic. Driven. Oh—that’s making him sound serious, but he’s not really… He’s cool though,” Asahi can feel himself blushing a little. “Like actually cool.  And nice. Talkative, too…”

“Sounds like a catch!” If he didn’t know any better he would say his dad was trying to twist the knife in his wound.

“I. Yeah.” Asahi frowns at the watering can. “For someone else.”

“Come on, son!” This time the slap in the back that his dad gives him actually hurts. He chokes a little. “He’s your soulmate!”

“Not anymore.” Asahi stands up. He’s finished planting his half of the flowers. His back and his head hurt. His heart hurts.

“Asahi…”

“He’ll be happy without me though, right?” Asahi has the setting sun behind his back but his dad can still see his face, the pain there and the need for reassurance. His dad can’t look at him when he says it.

“…Yeah.”

Asahi takes a long shower, and then he takes a long bath. No one else wants one so he watches the water drain away. When he comes out supper is ready. His dad keeps giving him worried glances but his mom looks normal so she probably doesn’t know yet. They eat supper in silence that is comfortable for some and heavy for others. Asahi excuses himself early. He can hear his dad talking in a hushed tone as soon as he closes his bedroom door.

The last few weeks of school go by quickly. Asahi has decent grades, his parents don’t bring up soulmates or volleyball again, and he starts going to meet his dad at a construction site every other afternoon. His dad won’t be around Miyagi for much longer again, but he’s taking the time to show Asahi the ropes. As head contractor he does a lot more supervising and a lot less fieldwork now but he gets some of his coworkers to show Asahi how to use basic power tools. It’s more fun than Asahi had thought it would be and it eases some of his worries about the future. By the time that school ends and starts again, he knows what he wants to do after graduation.

He’s about to tell that to the school guidance councillor when he gets ambushed by Sugawara.

It’s been a month and three days since the defeat, and a month and a day since his second fight with Nishinoya. Since Nishinoya’s suspension from club activities. Asahi had been worrying that something might happen for a few days now. He is happy and disappointed and relieved to see Sugawara.

 _“Oh, Suga, it’s been a while.”_ Even if he has spent the last month trying to distance himself in language, the old nickname slips on his tongue naturally. Suga doesn’t waste any time.

 _“Please,”_ He says in a way that makes it seem like he’s not actually standing still, like he could be slamming both of his palms against Asahi’s desk and it would sound the same. _“Come back to us, Asahi.”_

Suga says something about Nishinoya’s return and Asahi is prepared. His compliment is genuine even when it sounds like he’s reading it from a card. Suga tries to compliment him also, but it goes right through Asahi without touching him.

 _“I’d get in everyone’s way if I came back.”_ He reassures him. Suga is intense. This time he really does slam his palms against his desk. Asahi would be curious about the new members, but instead he just feels more at ease with his decision. He doesn’t need to be there.

 _“You won’t have to bear all the burden alone anymore.”_ Suga is getting louder but with the sounds of everyone on break it hasn’t attracted too much attention yet _. “Now more than ever we need our pillar, our ace—”_

_“Azumane! The guidance councillor is ready for you!”_

Asahi excuses himself with a tone of finality. It hurts to have to turn away so he doesn’t plan to look back after that.

 _“Wait, Asahi!”_ But this time, unlike a month and a day ago, he does. Then he gets introduced to the first years Suga mentioned and he still feels somewhat relieved but it’s mixed with a tightness in his guts and the feeling of waves crashing against his ribcage. They’re soulmates. They have the same black bird flying restlessly on their bodies. It could be a crow, but what are the odds of that?

_“Do your best.”_

_“Aren’t you going to play too?”_ Hinata says more but his first words reverberate in Asahi’s mind, drowning the rest out. Wings lap at Hinata’s neck and cheeks. Asahi probably has a weird expression on his face. He feels saved by his classmate’s grumpy urgency.

_“Azumane, Sensei’s waiting.”_

_“Sorry, but I’m no ace.”_

Asahi thinks that’s the end of that. He was suspecting that something might happen, and it did, and now it’s over. He tells the guidance councillor about his career plan, about his father’s company and the skills he’s been acquiring. The school is satisfied. He goes home and tells his dad about it. His dad has to leave soon for a contract outside of the prefecture again, in two weeks. The local project is going really well so they’ll be putting a sub-contractor in charge. Asahi can still go there and train with the people he’s been introduced to, his dad reassures him.

“How long will this job be?” He asks, trying not to think about how the last one had lasted half a year.

“Only three months this time!” His dad ruffles a few strands out of his bun affectionately.

Asahi is still thinking about all of that the next day when he gets ambushed again.

 _“I appreciate the sentiment, but…”_ He’s unprepared and repeating one of his lines from yesterday. When the shorter first year yells, not quite at him, but in his direction, and his soulmate jabs him in the ribs, he can’t help but laugh. Asahi makes the decision to be honest with them _. “I can no longer visualise spiking past high blocks in front of me.”_ He hasn’t played at all since the last match, but even just the night before, as he was trying to go to sleep, he tried again. It didn’t work. It made him too anxious to sleep and then he got so anxious that he was exhausted and fell right to sleep. _“I can’t get the thought of being shut out, of seeing myself intimidated, and self-destructing out of my head…”_

 _“I envy you, Asahi-san. I don’t have the height or power to spike through blockers on my own, but you do, Asahi-san. Maybe they’ve blocked lots of your spikes, but you’ve spiked lots of points, too, haven’t you? That’s why everyone calls you the ace, Asahi-san.”_ When Asahi hears Hinata say the word ‘ace’, even though they’re completely different people, he can almost hear how the word sounds coming out of Nishinoya’s mouth. The bell rings. Hinata leaves. Asahi doesn’t expect Kageyama to say anything so he has to pull himself out of his thoughts and look up from the floor to receive his words.

That afternoon on his way out of the school, Asahi ends up in that hallway, the one with the door that leads to the gym. He can’t help stopping when he hears it. The sound of sneakers against wood. The thump of a volleyball, then another. He can’t help it. There’s a reason he hasn’t been going to that side of the school at all. He peaks in, heart beating fast. It’s like an ache in his bones when he sees it. It hasn’t even been ten minutes since school ended, how did they get changed and in there so quickly? That spike is unlike anything he’s ever seen before but even more than that, when Hinata’s palm hits the ball, Asahi feels like his own palm stings too.

It feels like a setup even if it’s too natural to really be that. The upcoming match. Sawa—Daichi showing up behind him. Instinctively he tries to run away, even in an impractical way. Daichi is mad, or he isn’t but he should be. Even if he knows about Suga’s attempt to bring him back, and of course he would, then he’s also heard about how that went down, about how Asahi ran away, in a way. He doesn’t mention that. Instead he talks about the match coming up and about Nekoma and team history, like he’s trying a different angle. It’s tempting, really.

 _“But I’ve lost face with Suga and Nishinoya_.” Asahi’s chest feels like a black hole when he thinks about it.

 _“Don’t worry about Suga and Nishinoya. They’re fine. Unlike you, they have big hearts.”_ Daichi is mean and strong and so sturdy. _“If you still like volleyball, that’s reason enough to come back.”_ He lets Asahi go but there’s something about it, like they have a connection now and Daichi knows that Asahi will come back. Asahi himself isn’t so sure, but he can’t seem to go home. He texts his mom to let her know, but he doesn’t go back to the gym yet. Instead, he sits on the hill next to the school.

He thinks about Daichi’s words and Suga’s words and Hinata’s words and his spike and even Kageyama’s words. For the first time in weeks he thinks about all the things Nishinoya told him when they fought, things about giving up but things about coming back too, and making it count. He thinks that it’s too late for that, that if at least he had thought of coming back at the beginning of the school year or at some point while Nishinoya was still suspended maybe they would have had a chance. But he does still like volleyball, he can feel it in his heart and he can feel it in his hand. And although he hasn’t seen him in a month, he knows that he still likes Nishinoya too. It’s deep down where he pushed it but he’s still in love with him.

His feet move before he can make a final decision.

He knows where he’s headed but he only realizes how close he is when a voice calls out his name.

_“Asahi-san!!”_

_“I… I, um,”_ Before he can say anything real he’s being yelled at by what feels like a coach. He feels like he’s getting dragged, or caught in a net. He tries to change quickly in the club room but the air is thick. He walks more slowly than he should on his way to the gym. He keeps his eyes on the floor at first. He still hasn’t been able to raise his head fully since that day over a month ago now. He feels everyone stopping. He can feel Nishinoya’s eyes on him but he’s not ready to look at him yet. He hears Kageyama first, but it’s Suga that he sees.

_“If you’re stepping down so I can step up, I’ll refuse.”_

_“Ever since Kageyama joined the team as official setter,”_ Suga is replying but he’s looking right at Asahi as he speaks. _“I’ve been relieved.”_ He’s speaking to him as well. Asahi looks at him but doesn’t meet his eyes _. “I’ve been scared the spiker would repeatedly be blocked because of my tosses.”_ Suga has to look away for some of it and Asahi isn’t the only one who’s been looking at the floor lately. _“When I think of spikes getting blocked… it still scares me.”_ Asahi thinks that Suga is braver than he is, for staying despite that and not quitting _. “But… let me toss to you again, Asahi!”_

He is on the same side of the net as Nishinoya and Suga and Asahi feels underserving. They’re one point in on each side and Suga pulls off a nice quick with one of the players from the neighbourhood association. Asahi feels both proud and useless. He’s happy on the court, even when he feels like an extra limb. He witnesses the first years’ quick from the other side of the net and it’s even more impressive in action, but it’s not enough to make him wish he didn’t come. In fact, it has the opposite effect.

 _“That’s what I want.”_ Asahi is looking straight ahead but somehow Nishinoya knows those words are for him. _“No matter how many times I fail, I still want to spike.”_ He is staring at the net, his hands balled up at his sides.

 _“Then I’m fine.”_ Just like that, Asahi melts. He feels his feet planted on the court, sturdier now. Finally, he’s able to look at Noya again. He’s smiling at him. A quiet, proud smile. _“Now that you said that, I’m fine.”_

They start playing again and Asahi gets the chance to spike. Everyone is holding their breath, Asahi is holding his too, but he feels ready now. He spikes it. It gets blocked but he doesn’t have time to dwell on that because behind him, the blocked ball gets retrieved. It feels like the breath of air Asahi has been holding in has been replaced with a refreshing wind.

 _“Even if the ball bounces off the walls, I’ll keep it in play!”_ Noya gets back into position behind him and Asahi feels safe _. “So call for a toss again, Ace!”_

It goes through this time.

It takes him a minute to process everything and he has to steal the toss away from one of the neighbourhood association members but it feels so good to call for Suga’s toss that he doesn’t mind having to do it loudly. When he raises his head to yell for the toss, Asahi feels the binding that was keeping it down snaps. He hits it. It stings. He feels so good.

 _“Nice. Nice, Asahi.”_ It feels otherworldly to be on the receiving end of Suga’s praise again after so long.  _“Nishinoya, too.”_

 _“You guys too.”_ Asahi feels all awkward and, well, nice. _“Nice toss, Suga. Nice receive Nishinoya.”_ They grin at him and Asahi feels his heart light up, even when in exchange Nishinoya criticises his jumping.

They play and they play so long that someone from the school tries to shut them down for the night. Asahi feels good and also aware. He feels the blood in his veins, the spasms of his muscles, and the sweat on his forehead. He’s getting to know the team now too, and how the freshmen work from the other side of the net. On his side, he feels the old synergy with Noya and Suga, and he can see how it might play out in the future with a stronger team, together. They go through a lot that night. Asahi never wants to leave again.

They’re in the club room when it happens. Finally, through the sheen of sweat dripping into high eyes, Asahi gets to look at Noya again, openly with his head high. Noya is talking to Tanaka and doesn’t notice anything at first, so when he turns to meet Asahi’s stare, his shirt is half off. His salamander curls around his belly button. Asahi makes a decision. Without breaking eye contact, Asahi takes his own shirt off. He can feel his whole face and neck burning up but it’s worth it. Noya’s eyes widen.

“Asahi-san…”

A few of their teammates stop what they’re doing to look at them. Asahi stands with his back straight, sweaty t-shirt clenched in one hand, the other balled in a nervous fist. Noya looks frozen in place, but then he finishes taking his own shirt off and drops it on the floor. They stand facing each other in the uncharacteristic silence of the club room. Now everyone is looking. Their identical salamanders sit still on their beating hearts. Behind them, Daichi and Suga grin at each other knowingly and Hinata tugs on Kageyama’s sleeve excitedly. Asahi doesn’t notice the breath he’s holding until Noya reaches out to him, his hand floating uncertainly between them. His tattoo jumps at the chance and crawls to his fingertips. When Asahi raises his own hand, his salamander is already waiting, ready to scamper onto Noya’s body as soon as their fingers interlace.

Their tattoos switch places and run around, exploring new terrain. Asahi and Noya break eye contact for a moment to watch them, mesmerized. Asahi drops his shirt on the floor. Someone cheers, a few of their teammates start clapping, Tanaka yells out a congratulations and slaps Noya on the back hard enough to make him take a step toward Asahi. Everyone else resumes their activities. They don’t move.

The team starts to leave. Daichi and Suga are the last ones to go, they grin and give their thumbs up on the way out, and Daichi tosses the key to the clubroom onto Asahi’s backpack. Asahi and Noya barely notice. They’re staring at each other again, linked at the hand and a foot apart everywhere else. The sound of the door getting shut triggers something in Noya and makes his expression go from something unidentified that Asahi can’t read to a blinding smile. He tightens his hold on Asahi’s hand.

“Soulmates, huh?” His eyes look like they hold the universe in them. Asahi gulps.

“Yeah.” He’s still blushing after all this time. Their faces gravitate toward each other but their feet stay firmly planted to the ground.

“Nice!” Noya is the one to relax their hands and step forward. He takes both of Asahi’s hands in his but gets shy when he looks up at him. “So I have to ask…” He starts, looking firmly sideways. “How long… have you known?” Noya must have felt the jolt go through Asahi because he manages to look at him when Asahi answers.

“Ah. Um. Well…” Asahi sort of wishes he could melt through the floorboards and postpone this conversation indefinitely, but then he wouldn’t be holding Noya’s hands anymore. “A year.”

“What?! A year! That’s so long!” Noya laughs and Asahi feels immensely relieved. “Really though,” Noya says once he’s finally sobered up. “If you had pointed it out sooner, we could have been dating this whole time.” He’s smiling at Asahi again and his eyes are so wide and so honest. Asahi turns beet red.

“Y-you you’ve had feelings for me? T-this whole time??” He might be shaking.

“Yeah! I mean…” Noya has to look away again. “You’re pretty attractive, Asahi-san.” Asahi tries to let that sink it, but he thinks he might be experiencing a circuit overload. “And cool… too.” Noya laughs. “Well, when you play.” He shifts Asahi’s hands into one of his and uses the other one to gently punch Asahi’s upper arm. Asahi laughs too.

A breeze comes in through the crack in the window and they both shiver. Asahi feels like if he tries to say or do anything, he’ll mess it up. Noya’s hand is warm and big, almost as big as Asahi’s which is surprising but nice.

“We should probably get dressed.”

“P-probably.”

It’s still early April. They break physical contact regretfully and change quickly. Asahi isn’t sure if he can look or not or if he should, but Noya doesn’t know either so they laugh when their eyes meet, faces flushed. They leave the club room quietly and hold hands as soon as their book bags are secured to their backs. Under the clear night sky, everything looks different and new. They walk together until they reach the point where they should be going separate ways. It’s too soon. Noya really lives way too close to the school. Asahi doesn’t know what to do. He wants to keep being with Noya. He wants an excuse so that they never have to be apart again.

“You live nearby, right?” He finds himself asking. “Can I… walk you home?”

“Yeah!” Noya smiles and leads the way, tugging Asahi’s hand in the right direction. Asahi loses count of how many times their tattoos use the bridge of their hands to cross back and forth. There’s no way for him to tell if he has his own salamander on himself or Noya’s. Sometimes he has both, or neither. He would be distraught about that, but he trusts Noya so completely that it doesn’t matter.

Noya’s house is still too close and they get there way too soon.

“So…” Noya starts but then trails off. They stand in in front of the door for what feels like an eternity, staring at each other, not uncomfortably. Suddenly, Noya shoots forward. He grabs the back of Asahi’s neck and tugs him down in one fluid motion, right onto his lips. They kiss. The Earth really does feel like it stops moving. It’s a quick, off-centered kiss, Noya pulls away after a few seconds to gage the expression on Asahi’s face. He’s pleasantly stunned, unable to move. Noya looks satisfied. He gives Asahi’s cheek a quick peck and opens his door.

“See you tomorrow, Asahi.”

EPILOGUE

“Are you… are you nervous?”

“Of course not!” Noya looks off to the side. “I mean. Of course I am.” He looks at his shoes. Asahi laughs.

It’s been almost two weeks. They’ve taken things slow in every aspect of their relationship. From physical contact to how much time they spend together. It’s been really good to savour every little thing, every brush of their hands, every new person that notices without saying anything, every time one of their tattoos scampers over to the other.  Asahi feels pretty bad for having to rush this part.

“Sorry again for how sudden this is.” He says, again.

“It’s okay! Your dad has to leave tomorrow, right? I want to meet your family.” Noya smiles and Asahi is grateful and amazed. He is nervous too, though he knows there really isn’t any need. Noya is perfect, his parents are going to love him, everything will be fine. It’s just a little bit nerve wracking and still so soon, even if he put it off for as long as he could.

“Okay.” He steps forward and unlocks the door. “We’re home!” He calls out.

“Pardon the intrusion!” Noya calls out after him.

The evening goes by in a blur. Asahi’s mom cooks and gets Asahi to help. While they’re in the kitchen his dad chats with Noya. It goes well, Asahi’s dad likes how spirited he is, and he doesn’t try to grill him too hard. Over supper they chat about his dad’s upcoming contract, and Asahi mentions that he’s going into construction as well, which is a surprise to Noya in more ways than one. He schools his expression before teasingly asking.

“So do you plan on always leaving for so long, too?” Asahi’s dad laughs good-naturedly and his mom giggles behind her hand. Asahi would probably be caught off-guard but he’s been thinking about this for the two weeks since they got together.

“No,” He says, seriously. Then he smiles. “I don’t.” Asahi and his dad exchange looks over the table, warm and understanding. Asahi isn’t judging his father’s decisions but he has different plans for himself and that’s okay.

They’ll be okay.

After dinner, they do homework in Asahi’s room with the door open. Asahi’s room is fairly close to the kitchen where his parents still are so they whisper about how it went, and then they try to do homework. They get distracted fairly quickly talking about anything, about volleyball, about the future, they end up making plans to go on a date, and laugh so hard that Asahi’s parents come and check up on them twice.

When Noya has to leave, they kiss.

When Asahi’s dad has to leave at the crack of dawn the next morning, he hugs his wife tightly and hugs his son proudly and then next time he comes back and the next time he’ll have to leave, he’ll have three people to hug because Noya is quick after that to infiltrate his way into Asahi’s life and home and heart. Suga and Daichi make fun of them for thinking they had any control over their relationship’s pacing and tease Asahi endlessly by recalling in front of Noya every plan they tried in detail.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! I had a blast writing this even though it took me like 3 weeks to write 99% of it and then 3 months to actually finish it lol Asahi's demisexuality + demiromantic orientation never get directly addressed but I was hoping to illustrate how even if he doesn't know how to put it into words, fate and his tattoo know what's up and they support and help him by giving him the time that he needs?


End file.
